By Ryan Crawley: The thought of not sharing a bathroom with my wife sounded like a dream. However, at that moment, I didn’t think far enough ahead in the future.
I should have pushed for separate primary bedrooms — one for each of us. My wife isn’t having it.
Having the freedom of a separate bathroom has been one of the best decisions I have ever made. My wife wasn’t sure about it originally, but she is on my side now. There is no rushing around when someone is waiting in line, I can leave my towel hanging on the rack without having to worry about someone else using it, and I don’t have to contend with seemingly a whole store’s worth of shampoo, conditioners, and lotions all over the place. Everyone’s heaven is a bit different.
But for the last six months, I have been working on my wife of seven years to consider separate bedrooms, too.
So far, she’s not buying it, even though I am pleading my case passionately like a lawyer trying to save their client from the chair. In any case, I am failing at the moment.
Before you start thinking I am too far outside the box on this one, separate bedrooms for married couples is, indeed, a growing trend.
One of my best friends always reminds me how he has a separate bedroom from his wife. They both have learned to love it. They have been married for almost 40 years and are 10 years into their decision to have different bedrooms. He says they spend a lot of time at home because of their work schedule, so having separate rooms was just what they needed.
A 2017 study conducted by the National Sleep Foundation found that 25% of married couples sleep in separate rooms. At some point, this situation was given the term “sleep divorce,” which rubs me the wrong way.
Why do people believe married couples must be attached at the hip? I think it’s perfectly fine to get a little break from one another. If the marriage is healthy, a few extra hours apart isn’t going to rock the boat.
I can only see the benefits of having separate bedrooms
There are plenty of legitimate reasons for sleeping in different bedrooms, and it is not just about having a break from my wife and needing some personal space.
Instead, I can only see how it would improve our sleeping. For instance, my wife goes to bed at least two hours before me every night, and I worry about waking her up when I finally get into bed.
Plus, when I do get to sleep, I snore loudly because I have sleep apnea, which in turn makes her wake me up so I can stop snoring so she can go back to sleep. It is a never-ending, frustrating cycle.
My wife and I also have different ideas about the perfect mattress and the right temperature at night. If we had our own bedroom, we would be more suited to our own preferences.
How can this do anything except improve our marriage? We will have a little alone time; I believe absence makes the heart grow fonder. We will also both be much better rested. Plus, we can watch our own programs and listen to our own podcasts without having noise-cancelling headphones on.
But my wife isn’t convinced
My wife claims we have to share a bedroom to talk at the end of every day and share our thoughts.
But we have been together — dating and marriage — for almost 10 years, so I can’t imagine having anything new to discuss. I am like that old-time stand-up comedian doing the same old routine without any new material for the last few years.
We aren’t discussing anything important in bed at the end of the night. We might share a story about what one of the kids did during the day, remark adding something to the grocery list, and have a little small talk about what happened at work that day. Nothing earth-shattering.
We aren’t solving the problems of the world. We aren’t even solving our own problems. We are just making chitchat before bed.
The separate bathrooms worked so perfectly; I just wish my wife would be convinced to take it one step further so I could relax and fall asleep in private.
