Keep your own “venting” to a minimum. State your side of the situation and keep quiet as much as possible. Let the other person talk. Listening well shows respect. And, if your co-worker will talk openly, this will help him let off some of the steam he’s been directing at you.
Clarify what you’re not saying. For example, you might say: “Brian, I don’t mean to imply that you’re not doing a good job. You are. I am just trying to see how we can make things run more smoothly between us.”
Ask questions to build common ground. For example, you might say, “Do you think we’re clashing because we’re both under stress?” or “Do you feel I’ve been fair with you in the past?”
Try to address what’s causing the tension. It’s tough to resolve any problem if you can’t uncover the cause of it.
Ask for input on how to fix matters. Don’t pretend to have all the answers yourself. This will only add to the tension. It takes two willing people to cool tension, so realize that the other person must assume “ownership” in resolving matters. Say, “I’m open to hearing your ideas.”
Don’t expect instant results. You may have to wait for your co-worker to soften. This person may have to think about your conversation.
Addressing job jealousy and fears
So what if you sense that change isn’t coming? Your inner voice tells you, “My co-worker doesn’t want to cooperate. My plan isn’t working.”
If this happens, your talents and abilities somehow cause your co-worker to feel jealousy or pain. That, of course, is his problem. You can’t change things, but you can cope.
Try these suggestions:
Keep your nose to the grindstone. This is your best option for now. Don’t use up your energy agonizing over things. An unsympathetic co-worker may hope that you will exhaust yourself in emotional turmoil. This way, you’ll lose your work focus.
Don’t feed the gossip mill. Keep quiet. This ability to hold your tongue shows you’re a “class act.” Besides, if you gossip about your co-worker, the tension itself can start to multiply. As it snowballs, the tension will be harder to tame.
If tension builds further, try to find a mediator. All of us have the right to work in a reasonably harmonious atmosphere. If your co-worker acts in ways that adversely affect your mental health, talk to a supervisor. Ask for intervention.
