You’ve spent time working on yourself. You try to be more productive and work harder. You want better relationships. You want to learn to love yourself more. You basically spend a lot of your time trying to better yourself in any way.
And why wouldn’t you? We can all be healthier. Sleep better. Work harder. Have more money. Enjoy more stable relationships. You don’t need me to tell you how involved many of us are in self-improvement. At its core, that’s not a bad thing. We can all work towards making ourselves happier and healthier.
However, there’s a fine line between self-improvement and self-sabotage.
On your adventures of self-development, the chances are you’ve gone through the following journey in some form or another;
You discover something you don’t like about yourself.
You Google how to make it better.
You sigh when you realized it wasn’t just you.
You look for a quick fix.
You struggle for months trying to change said aspect
You relapse.
You research more.
You take a different, more severe and proactive approach
You eventually make a change.
Or you don’t. It doesn’t always work out. At some stages in the process, you might just give up and move on completely. Sometimes the space between each step is years apart.
That journey, from start to finish, could last days or years.
The truth is this approach to ‘being a better you,’ is flawed. This approach means highlighted something you don’t like about yourself. Maybe it’s something you’ve even hated about yourself.
I hate how lazy I can be. I hate how I look. I’m selfish. I’m always tired. I spend too much time on my phone. I can’t talk confidently to my partner. I wish I had better friends. I wish I was closer to other people. I’m fat. I don’t work hard enough. I’m not pretty enough. I wish I could run faster.
These points to improve can be anything, big or small. Listen to the voice in your head and listen to what it’s saying about you. Sometimes, you may have been thinking this way without even realizing it.
This kind of negative self-talk is not ideal, and definitely not the best way to approach becoming the individual you want to be.
What you’re doing is criticizing who you are and what makes you, well, you.
You’re a human being. You are perfectly imperfect. You are never going to do everything right. You are going to make mistakes. You can’t do everything or be everything. Some people will be better than you at certain things. Some people will earn more money and have bigger houses.
You are going to be lonely at times. You are going to be angry. You’re going to feel depressed, and the chances are the worst day of your life is still to come.
Some days you’ll thrive. Others you’ll survive. Some days you’ll want to give up everything and start over. Some days you’ll wonder what you ever did to have it so bad.
There’s going to be a day ahead when you look at yourself in the mirror and wonder what the fuck is going on and how the hell did you end up where you are.
It happens to everyone. It’s not all bad.
Yet, while we hold so many similarities, there is no one else on the planet, no other human being in history, that is you.
That’s what makes you special.
When it comes to living your life and the conscious decisions you make on a daily basis, instead of focusing on everything you hate about yourself, focus on what makes you the individual you are.
What are your strengths? What do you do well? What do you bring to the table?
Ask yourself,
What is my strongest trait?
When do I feel most energized and alive in life?
Why not even ask your friends, partner, and family what you do best?
What defines you?
Instead of focusing on your weaknesses and the aspects of your life that you feel are holding you back, focus on your strengths, and bettering yourself by making these parts of you better.
By focusing on these strengths, you’re flowing with the current of the river of your being, not swimming against the rapids trying to keep your head above water.
Yes, sure, there are going to be aspects of things you’ll want to change. Maybe you want to work out more or kick a bad habit, or you’re satisfied with something as you once were, and that’s okay. Change is good, and we’re all growing as individuals all the time.
Instead of trying to cut back, restrain yourself, or remove a certain part of you, use your strengths to your advantage and raise yourself up.
Are you a hardworking person but want to spend less time in the office? Start working on outside projects, like gardening.
Are you a creative person that wants to go to exercise more? How can you make exercise creative?
Whatever aspect of your life you’reworking on, don’t fight and resist yourself. Don’t try and force yourself to be someone you’re not and hate yourself for being someone you are or used to be.
Embrace and nurture your individualism and the essence of you and use this as your superpower in your journey to becoming whoever it is you want to be and living the life you want to live.
You don’t have to beat yourself up.
Your best and most beautiful days are still ahead of you.