I am guilty of having green eyes — both literally and figuratively. The literal part isn’t so bad. I get a lot of compliments on these pea-colored peepers, which I take graciously and try not to let go to my head.
The figurative part, however, I should work on that.
When I was a child, I would imagine life as an older, more sophisticated adult. I was that 9-year-old who opted to sit in on Mom’s card games and nod along to the adult conversation, pretending to understand what she and her friends were talking about.
They’d call me adorable, just as, in recent days, I call it when my children act older than they are. You know, apples falling from trees and whatnot.
I’ve always dreamed of the other side of the fence. When working as a housekeeper in a Travellers Inn, I wondered endlessly how much better my life would be if I were a front desk worker, checking clients in and out and watching late-night movies on the graveyard shift. I knew in my heart of hearts that they had it better than me.
I don’t want to say that I have it all figured out at the age of 34, because well, I don’t. I have figured out a small pinprick of knowledge, and part of this new awareness is from looking back on these envious wonderings throughout my lifetime.
In so many of these instances, I’ve ended up on the other side, only to wish I was back at the place where I started.
Sometimes the grass is greener for only a while.
As most of us can attest, growing into adulthood wasn’t all it was chopped up to be. What?! Bills? Responsibilities? The massive existential crisis of having to figure out what I what to do with my life?
And don’t even get me started on having to raise children to be upstanding members of society. Life is hard. Adult life is downright scary.
Now that I’m on the other side of the fence, I realize how good I had it, sitting at that card table talking with Mom, while my adorable adolescent jibber-jabber entertained a group of women who just thought I was the cutest thing.
Well, maybe not much has changed in that respect. I think people still do think of me as nothing but cute when I spout off about politics and the world stage.
I miss those carefree days now that I’m grown. This is why I take the time to imagine undiscovered universes with my children and take long directionless walks with the dog in the early hours of the morning.
Life is short, and happiness means allowing ourselves to be a kid once in a while.
The Grass is, actually, greener, sometimes.
Usually, when I get that inkling of envy in my belly, especially when it is in regards to something work-related, I put everything into achieving the new goal — finding a way over that fence.
When I worked as a caregiver in an afterschool program, I used to covet the supervisors in their offices and not having to deal with the snotty-nosed kids day in and day out. (Can you tell that this industry wasn’t for me).
I decided to throw my hat in the ring for a supervisor position, and because of my work history, resume, and schooling, it wasn’t much of a surprise when I got the job.
Low and behold, I hated my life. Instead of dealing one on one with those snot-nosed kids, I was made to speak with their parents about behavioral issues. I was accountable for every staff and child that was in the place during my shift. I had a mountain of paperwork and wasn’t enjoying the job any more than when I was a caregiver.
The experience helped me realize that the childcare industry wasn’t for me. I was given a universal hint that the grass would be greener anywhere but there.
On the other hand, when I moved from housekeeper at the Traveller’s Inn to the front desk clerk, the rewards were immediate.
No longer did I have to clean up people’s awful crunchy sex sheets. I was free from accidentally walking into a room where late checkout guests were peeling themselves out of wet bathing suits and horrified when I walked in to see their goosepimpled bodies. This happened more than once, people.
So, yeah, I was rewarded with some tangibly greener pastures on that account.
Accept the now.
The biggest thing I’ve learned from these reflections is that whether or not you can turn off your envious tendencies, it is crucial to appreciate the now, whatever that reality may be.
At the moment, I am working day in and day out to get my writing career off the ground. I look to those writers that I’ve admired for years and wonder if I will ever be in the same place.
I find the people who have managed to collect a multitude of passive income streams and freelance work and then write articles about how to do these things, and I wonder if I can learn and grow from their advice.
Sometimes when we are so wrapped up in trying to achieve our goals, we let the real triumphs slip right past us.
A year ago, all I wanted was to have a piece of work published in a literary magazine. I wanted to share a story that more than 50 people would read. I wanted to have a writer’s bio that listed even one reputable website or literary magazine as a publication of my work.
Today I have achieved all of these things.
I made it to the other (more greener) side without even realizing it. And now, I’m taking the time to appreciate these small wonders.
The trick isn’t to wish for your goals to come to fruition. It’s not about looking into the lives of others and wondering what their life might mean for you. We are all unique in our dreams for success.