Have you ever fallen for a bad boy? Well, bad boys are seen as appealing, charming, confident, and daring. Ironically, they leave a trail of broken hearts in their wake. But they aren’t the only heart-breaking species. Just as good guys are said to finish last in the race for good women, good women are often quoted as losing out to bad girls in the race for good men. Apparently there are bad girls in plenty too! But what makes bad girls so appealing to men?
According to Chris Hart, a psychologist based in Nairobi, bad girls are most likely to be untrustworthy and may never be loyal. When men pursue them, they usually know he will make advances before they are initiated.
“Every man wants her – and she knows it,” he says, adding that they tend to have common traits.
“She probably became sexually active too soon, laughs and flirts excessively with your friends, and will be with anyone who catches her eye.”
According to Carole Lieberman, a psychiatrist and author of Bad Girls: Why Men Love Them and How Good Girls Can Learn Their Secrets, most men who consistently keep falling for bad girls are likely to have had absentee fathers.
“Lack of physical or emotional presence of a father or father figure means that these men never had suitable persons to teach them the difference between good girls and bad girls,” she says.
HEARTBREAK EFFECT
On the other hand, Lieberman says that girls turn bad after facing heartbreak from men who are close to them, including their fathers.
“A bad girl is likely to have taken her heart off her sleeve and hardened it,” she says. “She doesn’t risk much emotionally, doesn’t get discouraged by rejection because she already believes she’s unlovable, and will only pursue other interests such as luxurious, fun-filled lifestyles other than genuine romance.”
According to psychologist and author of For the Thinking Woman, Varkha Chulani, bad girls may very well be women who’ve had unfortunate experiences in their lives and as a result, have very manipulative and conniving ways of going about their relationships. She says: “They had poor role models who shaped their world view, and/or made them cunningly domineering and controlling.”
“Bad girl” tricks
Although relationships with bad girls may appear to be fun, they often end up just as quickly as they were formed. According to Chulani, after the initial phase that is fun-filled, what follows are tremendous upheavals that cause intense fatigue in the relationship, therefore speeding up the inevitable breakup.
Dr Hart adds that while bad girls are exciting to watch, they are scary to touch! “There is no way a bad girl is ever going to be good,” he says. “You have to start with someone who is faithful and fun then teach her how to be sexually uninhibited.”
If you are a good girl, you can learn a trick or two from bad girls that will help you improve your relationship. For instance, according to Lieberman, “while bad girls have different strategies for manipulating nice guys, they share certain alluring traits; they’re irresistibly exciting, clever, flirtatious and seductive. They make their man feel like the biggest stud on the planet.”
Dr Hart concurs, saying that good girls can borrow some of these traits from their counterparts.
“Become a little more adventurous, intimately mischievous, a little more open to new ideas, radiate the bad girl’s confidence and take the initiative,” he advises.
