I have been very open about my dating pitfalls, and quite recently I have been opening up about something I have denied myself for many years—the act of falling in love. Soon after the lovely Leslie of The Soundtrack of Life, brought up the idea of writing about how it is for both sexes to fall in love. Considering I am the first to admit that up until recently I have been a heartbreaking man-whore for most of my twenties, I thought it was an amazing yet challenging topic to write about.
So the following is a list of when I fall in love, how I felt, what I did and how I dealt with it and how I’m continuing to deal with it. Just like love, my list is slightly incoherent and not as blissful as you would expect it to be—because let’s face it: Love is never perfect when it’s REAL love. (It’s also not a Michael Bolton song either.)
1. I knew I was in trouble (a.k.a. falling in love) with my girlfriend (wow, I’ve never written that before about her…huh), the first time we had kissed. She was shy and serene, so I had figured I was the one who was going to have to make the first move—in fact; I was looking forward to it. However, when I invited her over for a drink, she confidently walked to me as I was making the drink and took me by surprise by kissing me. I still think of that kiss to this very day because it reminds me as to why I fell for her in the first place.
2. When I met Sabrina years ago, she was my friend before my lover—something I wasn’t used to at the time. It’s because of our connection when we were friends that let me comfortable being myself around her. She has never tried to change me, and because of that, I have evolved into a better man.
3. I craved talking to her (even over the phone) as much I craved a cigarette with my coffee. Craving her was constant, instantly addictive and it kept me alert.
- She felt like an accident because she wasn’t my type. And just like an accident, it was an unexpected and life-changing event in my life.
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I daydreamed about kissing her more than sleeping with her whenever we were apart.
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I knew I was in love the day I broke her heart the first time around. You always hurt when you hurt the ones you love.
7. Over the years, Sabrina and I have had plenty of falling-outs. I adored her and for months I downright resented her, however, I never was ever “neutral” with her…which says a lot in my opinion.
8. She was and still is my greatest writing muse—no matter if we were on speaking terms or not.
- When I was in denial of how I felt about her, I would find excuses to go shop for birthday and Christmas gifts for my friends and family in the store where she would buy her favorite perfume from. When no one was looking, I would sniff the bottle of perfume like it was a line of cocaine. Love makes you do some crazy things.
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Her idiosyncrasies (such as scrunching her face in the mirror every time she’s doing her makeup, her insane klutziness or how she scratches her head like a monkey when she has writer’s block) are quirks I can’t possibly live without.
11. I made it a personal mission to count all of her beauty marks on her face and her body. She has sixteen altogether. Five on her face, two on her neck, one on each shoulder, two below her breasts, one on her stomach, one on her foot and three on her arm that looks like a constellation.
12. I feel the same passion for her as I feel about the debate over the differences between R&B and Soul music. It’s like the difference between saying you love somebody and being in love with somebody. R&B is just a word.
Every man falls in love in a different way, but what I can definitely say is that when men fall, they fall hard. When I first fell in love, I made plenty of mistakes; I tried denying the fact that I was at the finish line when it came to future relationships. However, it took me five years to realize that when you are truly in love with someone and are willing to go the distance with them, then you embark on another race—a far more fulfilling race than you could ever dream of.