Going to the gym has become the trendiest thing nowadays. Men are doing it to get abs, while women are doing it to get big nyash and a perfect figure. My friend Collo told me that he took his girl to the gym for the first time this past weekend and after she had lifted weights for only 30 seconds, she was already checking her behind to see if it had increased in size.
At the moment, one of your friends is probably spamming your timeline with sweaty gym selfies and videos. You are wondering why their face looks like the Victoria Falls yet they have only jogged for two minutes on the treadmill.
Everyone else is probably doing the same too. They keep reminding you how wametoka gym. You now feel like you are missing out on something big because you don’t hit the gym.
Don’t even worry about it. Most people just go to the gym to show off, and find someone to engage in usherati with, not to cut or gain calories.
Yesterday, I decided to pass by the gym in my hood after skipping two previous days of workouts due to laziness. I know, I am not doing myself any favours in my quest to have a body like that of Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson. But I try, I really do.
The abs keep coming and going like Kenya Power lights or Zuku internet. Call them seasonal abs. But I am not worried. So long as I don’t end up having a kitambi, I am happy.
Actually, the reason I started going to the gym was that I used to be too skinny. I have gained a few kilogrammes since and I am proud of myself. Clap for me, don’t be mean.
Anyway, as soon as I entered the gym, a pretty girl approached me and handed me her phone.
“Hi, would you mind recording me for just a minute as I do push-ups?” she tabled her request.
Being the good person that I am, I accepted. But before I could start, she interjected again with “Hold up, let me put it Instagram live instead.” I let her set up her live whatever then she gave me the go-ahead to start filming.
She got on her fours but only a few seconds into the push-ups she stood up and came back to address her followers. “Hey guys, I am at the gym….yaaay! And this is my good friend and camera guy Mike.”
Yes, she was talking about me. Mike? I had only met her two sentences ago and she had already baptised me with a new name and employed me as her camera guy. Nairobi women are indeed a wonder.
Of course, I wasn’t going to spend my gym time doing voluntary camera work under the alias Mike. First, the economy is too frail for anyone to do voluntary work and second, I love my name Philip too much for me to go by any other name. So, I gave her back her phone and left.
I took some time to do more scrutiny and I noticed that most people who were just like her. Physical activity was the least of their priorities. All they were doing was documenting their workout on phone or camera, capturing picture after picture as they struggled to get the quintessential angle and lighting.
Some had even turned themselves into better directors than Steven Spielberg and Quentin Tarantino. They kept shooting and re-shooting their workout routines until they had the perfect mini-blockbuster to post online.
Is it that serious?
It amazed me because I had never really taken time to observe people at the gym. Normally, I just come in, do my exercises, then I chat with my friend –the instructor – before leaving.
When I paid more attention, I noticed there were the big, buff guys who had attention issues. They made sure that everyone was watching them lifting the heavy metals. They grunted and groaned just to draw focus to their biceps and triceps.
Another huge guy was singing while working out, with earphones neatly tucked, as his friend took a video. Do you know how weird it is to see a big guy singing a Nadia Mukami song? I bet the only reason why no one had asked him to shut up was because he was extremely massive. No one wants to be smacked across the room.
Why not just lift the weights peacefully big fellas?
Then there were the little fellas who weren’t aware of their limitations; the ones that were trying to overcompensate for their miniature frames by lifting weights that were too heavy for them.
They palpitated and I knew they were messing up their spines but I just enjoyed the exhibition.
The most annoying part was when they would drop the weights with a slam because they couldn’t put them back down slowly.
All this trouble so they could look good on social media.
Can we all just use the gym for what it was meant for and not treat it as a photo studio or a filming location? The camera won’t subtract a few kilos from you or curve your body like a Greek statue, you know.
Let’s just focus on putting in the work. It should all be about personal progress and good health, not competing and impressing others. Thank you
