In the main, there are two types of pain: physical pain, and emotional pain. Regarding the many things that cause emotional pain and mental anguish, we’ve come up with a number of creative ways to deal with them — which more often than not involves covering them up with a distraction.
There are many things that cause internal pain. Some of these causes are acute events like a loss, traumatic experience, or a sudden realization. Some of these causes are more chronic in nature, like low self-esteem or unhealed parts of our past. But no matter what they are and where they came from, these are some of the most common ways of covering them up.
Food
Some people cover up their pain inside with food. Food is definitely a pleasurable experience and one that doesn’t require navigating the treacherous waters of a relationship to selfishly elicit the momentary pleasure we desire. Just pop open the freezer and grab some ice cream, or dial-up Dominoes and slide a mouth-watering pizza between your teeth. It’s hard to think about pain when your taste buds are exploding in delight. Unfortunately, after the feast, it’s back to the famine of emptiness inside.
Drugs
Some people cover up their pain with drugs and alcohol, which is very much a liquid drug. Don’t get me wrong, I love drinking! But unfortunately, many people don’t drink to enjoy a buzz or bring a sparkle to their eye — they drink to slip into a place of obliviousness to the pain they are going through, even if it’s just a few drinks. This is even more the case for people who use or abuse drugs. Hard drugs like opioids, cocaine, and psychedelics can launch you into a different world where your problems don’t exist. Some people tout the use of psychedelics as salvos that provide healing experiences, but I’ve interacted with many cosmic explorers who still carry unhealed wounds, despite the enlightened state they’ve reached by leveling up on magic mushrooms.
Money
Can’t buy me, love….but it can buy a whole ton of other stuff that’s easy to get distracted with. Who cares about the emptiness inside when they can drive a red convertible to the Yacht Club and board their own personal cruise ship to sail to their own private island. Again, don’t get me wrong: I’m a capitalist at heart, and I think these pleasures exist to be enjoyed. But they will not heal your pain, and the cover-up is temporary. And don’t think for a second that these words only apply to the rich and famous. Even the average person frequently uses material possessions to run away from pain, whether it’s a new article of clothing or a flatscreen TV. Again, feel free to enjoy the material pleasures of life, but don’t assume they will take the pain away.
Relationships
Some people bury their pain by burrowing into a relationship. Notice that I did not title this segment “sex” because masking pain with another person can indeed be about more than a casual encounter. It’s easy to get wrapped up in another person’s world, especially when you’re high on infatuation. Unfortunately, this is not a healthy way to deal with pain, and the pain you have inside will frequently work its way out and into the relationship, creating a toxic space that is often amplified by two people who have come together in a codependent way to escape their issues. Once again, don’t get me wrong: I believe that relationships are important, but I also believe it’s important to confront your own problems and deal with them.
Entertainment
Last but not least in terms of popular emotional painkillers is good old fashioned entertainment. Did you know that your mind is actually more active when you’re sleeping than when you’re watching the tube? In such a semi-conscious state, it’s easy to forget about what really bothers you as banal visuals and colorful stimulation washes over you. Social media scrolling, TV, movies, sports, music, and even live entertainment can all become band-aids we use to distract ourselves from the story within.
But wait…there’s more!
You’ve certainly heard about these 5 ways of masking emotional pain. But the 4 I’m about to mention might surprise you since we usually consider them positive paths in life.
Growth
Have you ever met someone who is into self-growth? For those whose ingestion of self-growth material outpaces their ability to reflect and take a breath when needed, they possess a certain amount of excitement that is almost like an addiction to a drug. They scour every area of life and business, and as soon as they find something to fix, they obsessively work on it until the issue has been transformed into a beautiful butterfly. Then they move on to the next issue that needs work. Again, I think that self-growth is great. But the self-medicated self-growth often promoted by disingenuous gurus is fueling a generation of people who are actually addicted to problem-solving. Meanwhile, they remain woefully unaware of issues within that actually need work, as they bypass internal reflection in the endless quest to become a sunbeam of positivity. It is very possible to become a seemingly enlightened guru who still carries pain inside, even if it’s deeply buried under layers of sunshine.
Praise
Many people seek praise, and I am incredibly guilty of this. I often define my own success by the measure of praise I get. How many likes, claps, or thumbs up emojis did I get on my latest post? I obsess over my social media feeds and formulate a picture of my own worth based on what other people say. We often do this outside of social media as well, with work reviews or complimentary words from friends, family, and even strangers. Unfortunately, even good news is bad news here, at least for people who are ignoring their pain. The positive feedback we get turns our attention away from the issues we have inside. This is also true when we receive criticism as well, or even stinging insults delivered from someone who doesn’t even know us.
Travel
The famous Transcendentalist Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote that “travel is a fool’s paradise.” I do think that traveling is a wonderful way to pass the time. It’s fun to see new places, and if you like art, history, architecture, and culture, it’s a great way to experience incredible vistas you cannot get at home. But in today’s world (at least prior to the COVID-19 pandemic) travel has become somewhat of an Instagram cliche among our younger generation. We travel around the world, looking for meaning, hoping to get Insta-famous, and in the long run finding nothing other than…I’m not really sure what, other than primarily transitory experiences. It’s easy to run from what pains you inside when you are literally running from place to place. True, sometimes an experience in your travels will bring you to a transformational moment. But for most people, it just racks up a big credit card bill and leaves us with some great photos.
Success
Last but not least in terms of surprise pain band-aids is success, the cherry on top of the life sundae. We have been taught to worship success in our society as something that provides us with the ultimate fulfillment and meaning. Unfortunately, for many people, it does neither. We want to link success to those two internal experiences, but in reality, they are not necessarily linked. There are plenty of PhDs and CEOs and MDs and professional athletes running around wondering what it all means and why they feel empty. In the words of a Pop Superstar whose lyrics are surprisingly deep: if there’s nothing missing in my life, then why do these feelings come at night?
So there you have it…the full gamut (or at least, everything I could think of this morning) regarding the band-aids we use to cover up our pain. We all figure that food, drugs, money, relationships, and entertainment would be among them — but it will sure change our paradigm of pain-masking to acknowledge that positive courses of action like growth, praise, travel, and success can also become ways of masking pain.
So how do you deal with pain?
The answer is that you just have to deal with it, directly. For many, dealing with pain will be an ongoing process, both because some paints take a long time to go away, and because life will continue to bring forth challenges — that’s just part of life. Dealing with pain involves acknowledging its existence. Reflection, therapy, spiritual guidance, and changing behavior patterns are all ways of healing through trauma.
But masking them with physical pleasures or trailblazing to the best possible you are not necessarily guaranteeing that you can find the meaning of life, heal your past, or deal with the monsters within. Personally, I have come to find immense value in the power of gratitude, even for the things we don’t like or don’t understand. And that said, whether you like or dislike my articles, I thank you for reading this piece, and hope you are inspired to confront and deal with the things that have challenged you in life.