The concept of “happily ever after” is instilled in our minds far too often. We never see what happens after a couple falls in love. We never see the work and constant mental and emotional upkeep that a marriage requires. If only there were more movies about how to save a marriage on the brink of divorce.
If you are considering divorce, it is not a fun time. It is heartbreaking, harrowing, and sometimes even emotionally numbing. What can you do to save a marriage when all seems lost? How can you stop from falling over the edge? Is it even possible to save your marriage?
The good news is that there are a few things you can still try. You do not want to go to that fateful route without knowing that you tried everything you could. It requires you to take a very honest look at yourself and your spouse. If you are willing to do that, read on.
1) Ask yourself if any part of the marriage is worth saving.
Dig deep and remember those good times. What were the conditions, and how have they changed? It is possible to recreate some of those earlier conditions.
Are you able to still have fun and enjoy your time together, or is it constant bickering or ignoring? If there are no good times left and you cannot imagine having any in the future, you could have a problem.
Enjoying time with your spouse is essential for saving a marriage on the brink of divorce. It builds a feeling of family and security. When you share enjoyment, your serotonin levels are raised, and you bond with each other.
2) Be honest and evaluate if you are being fair to your spouse.
This is a tough one. It requires you to really dig deep and take a cold, hard look at yourself. Do you have a lot of stress in your life? If so, could it be clouding your judgement about your spouse? Sometimes if we have a lot going on, we can be hard on those closest to us without realizing it. This would cause them to be defensive, and a vicious cycle begins.
There is also the possibility that your spouse is having a lot of stress in his or her life. Then the cycle is reversed. You are put on the defensive as your stressed-out spouse is unfairly hard on you. Heaven help the marriage that involves two stressed spouses. If you realize that you are in this situation, now is a good time to consider stress-relieving activities, as they can be a great tool for saving a marriage.
3) Do not compare your marriage.
Comparing your marriage with someone else’s is a recipe for disaster. Just as no two people are the same, no two marriages will be the same. Do not fall for the “grass is always greener on the other side” hook. Appreciate what makes your spouse unique, and you might find ways to appreciate the marriage more.
4) Consider marriage counseling.
An outside mediator is always going to be able to objectively show you things that you cannot see when you are too close to the problem. A counselor can point out weaknesses in communication and help you find better ways of communicating, which is always a big factor. It is a blind spot in a marriage on the brink of divorce.