Being raised in a school and community where queerness made you a target of bullying, I did my very best to avoid any behaviors that might put me in harm’s way. Fast-forward 10 years, and I am still having trouble shaking these vestigial fears.
Our culture shapes the ways that we dress, act, and relate to others, but when it comes to sexuality, our habits can often lie some distance from our truest selves. This influences both our daily presentation in how we look and act, but it also dampens our ability to fully love and celebrate ourselves. In the past, I have exclusively dated women. While the majority of people I am attracted to are women, I notice that I subconsciously dismiss any feelings that might develop towards people of other genders. For me, this is just one small price I pay for the homophobia that I have internalized.
On a much more regular basis, I make small decisions that mute parts of myself in every area. I like the way my nails look when painted, but I dislike having to defend them to people I see throughout the day. I can always choose to dance in a masculine way, but in the moments where I venture outside of that, I am met with explicit hostility from other, presumably straighter men.
By all means, I have things pretty easy. I am fortunate in that the majority of my identities are widely lauded by society, and I am rarely asked to be someone I am not. But in those moments that do force my actions to betray my feelings, I am left incomplete.
If this sentiment resonates with you, I would encourage you to venture outside of your comfort zone. Find the people who affirm and support you, and use them to help broaden your horizons. The more that folks step out bravely into the world as themselves, the easier it will become for others to do the same. Let’s drop the act, boys; you are not that straight.