Teaching my daughter to ride a bike was not my best example of skilled fatherhood. I pushed her too hard and expected too much. My attitude led to a parked bike and waning interest. Eventually, she did learn, but my approach, in the beginning, delayed the process and was a missed opportunity for a joyous core memory. We all make mistakes as parents, this is one that will always bug me.
Fortunately, kids are forgiving and always present us with new opportunities to redeem our blunders. My latest chance at reparation came in the form of her newfound interest in learning to longboard.
This was my chance to erase the shameful precedent I set with the bike. I resolved to focus on making it fun more than anything else.
We started simple. I left my board in the car and walked alongside while she got the hang of pushing off and coasting. At this stage, I praised each little success no matter how minor.
After a little practice, she was ready to ride without me next to her. I grabbed my board and we began our trek across the long parking lot. Then we encountered our first potential hiccup.
She became very frustrated that she couldn’t go faster.
It was important to tackle this carefully. It wouldn’t do any good to be dismissive.
Instead, I acknowledged that she wasn’t going fast yet, but assured her she would be soon — after a little more practice. She loves to time races so I suggested we see how long it would take to cover four parking spaces. 16 seconds later she was feeling better and we continued.
The sidewalk was a lot rougher and she chose to carry her board for most of it.
This was another moment where pushing her too hard to ride could have ruined the experience.
Making our way slowly we passed the time talking.
After the water, we returned to the parking lot where we found a gentle downhill.
She was stoked at how much faster she was compared to earlier.
Overall we both had a blast and she was hooked.
In contrast to learning to ride a bike, this was a complete 180 in both my approach and her response.
Why was this day so much more successful?
- Heavy praise in the beginning to build confidence
- Acknowledged her frustration instead of dismissing it
- Focused on effort, not only skill
- Worked on basics and didn’t continually add refinements
- Took a break in the middle
- Emphasized having fun over all else
Takeaway
No parent is perfect. The closest we can get is to acknowledge our missteps and capitalize on opportunities for improvement. As long as you’re trying to get better, do better, and be better you’re as close as one can be to perfection.
