I thought I was a strong woman and never believed in letting men walk all over me, but as it turns out I was one of those naive women – I encouraged other women to leave their cheating S/O but I wasn’t strong enough to do the same.
I was 21 and had already been cheated on prior to this experience I’m about to share. I sure knew how to pick them! He was such a charmer that kid, he could get any girl he wanted as he was persuasive in a smooth way, such a sweet talker and a such pretty boy, which was my type! Oh god…. ??♀️
At the very start of our relationship, a girl called him at 3am as we were on our way home from a night out and asked what he was up to. I told him to show me the messages between them and she said, “thanks for the hickey x” and it was from a couple weeks before we got together so I let it be.
Then one day, we we’re driving around for his work, he was a tow truck driver and I’d tag along so he wasn’t bored and I loved spending time with him, and this girl had called. I told him to answer and he did, she said, “what are you doing?” He told her he was working and didn’t mention me at all and said, “I’ll speak to you later”. Immediately I started yelling/screaming, all that commotion. I was stupid enough to swallow everything he said to me. Maybe not stupid, just turned a blind eye in a sense, as I thought I was so in love with this guy.
Some time later, towards the middle of our relationship (we were together for 2 years) we were driving home from the cinema, and I just had a gut feeling to go through his phone, I never did it before. I saw a text saying, “Are you coming to the gym tonight babe? x” I immediately lost it, I slapped him, he physically kicked me out of the car. And that was the first night our domestic violence started.
His parents went away for a month so I pretty much moved in to his place whilst they were away. I stayed there most nights which gave me peace of mind that no other woman was there. His friends would stay there when I wasn’t, they would party etc, and I saw an item that belonged to a woman and asked him who’s it was. He admitted a couple of girls came over with his friends. STILL, I believed that they were there to entertain his friends. A few days later, I went on his Snapchat and saw that he was talking to girls but one girl stood out the most to me, I saw their conversation and I was heart broken. He pretty much begged her to come over, he said “even just for a cigarette” and she probably agreed to shut him up. I messaged her and she told me that he never mentioned me and that she only went for a cigarette. I wasn’t inclined to be negative towards her, as it was my man that I needed to check. I believed she wasn’t the same girl that came over nights before as he was a womaniser.
We were on a break and I slept at a friends place after a night of drinking, and he was out clubbing in the CBD. He called at 2am saying he NEEDED to see me, he loved me bla bla bla. So I caved in. I waited until 3:30 – the place I was at 15 mins away from the city and he didn’t answer any of my calls so I knew he was up to something. He FINALLY made his way to me and I questioned what he was doing prior to seeing me, he said his friends got a hotel room so they chilled there before coming to pick me up and take me home to his place. (He’d sneak me in on weekends as his parents were strict) we we’re still parked on my friends street, chatting when a girl called and I’ll never forget her name. IT WAS 4AM WHY WOULD SHE BE CALLING UNLESS SHE WANTED A BOOTY CALL. I snatched his phone out of his hand but I couldn’t really read their messages as I’m short sighted. And he had the NERVE to run off with it while laughing and deleted everything before I could read it. That night was the worst of our violence, and he left me to walk back to my friends place (30 mins away from where he kicked me out of the car and left me) drunk and alone.
I STILL DIDN’T LEAVE AND FORGAVE HIM.
We we’re on and off a really long time during the course of our “relationship” but I would always forgive him. I was so drunk in love, that I thought I could never find anyone better. I was fixated on the thought that I’d never felt that way with anyone. He was a narcissist, a sociopath. He thought he loved me but he hated himself more, which is why he took to fucking so many girls behind my back, to fill the hole inside of him. Every time I tried to leave, he begged/pleaded and sometimes even cried for me to not leave and I had a soft spot for him, I saw the child inside of him crying out for help, wanting to be loved. I knew I was enough in the end, I gave him everything and loved him wholeheartedly.
After 2 and a half years, we were broken up but still talking and fucking. I was at a club one night and it was by coincidence that I spoke to this girl. I told her who I was dating etc and she said, “ohhhh you must have been the one from his Instagram bio” (he put the first initial of my name with a padlock ? to show me that he was making it known he had a woman) she continued, “My friend thought that was for her?” I said, “Sorry why the fuck would she think that was for her??” She said, “Oh because they were fucking” and my whole world spiralled out of control. I was uncontrollably crying AT THE CLUB HAHA I couldn’t breathe. It was like I knew this whole time he was messing around, but someone had finally confirmed it. I messaged the girl the next day and she showed me screenshots of his messages, asking her if he could come and use her pool, wanting to fuck her. She was curving him but finally gave him.
I found him at the club a week later and confronted him, it turned into a domestic ON THE MAIN STREET and everyone saw him slapping me around it was so embarrassing.
A week later he told me he was going interstate to buy a car and wanted to see me when he got back and I finally for once decided I had enough and just left it. I knew that was the time to walk away. I don’t give up easily and that’s my issue, I don’t know when to walk away until it destroys me. I finally felt free for the first time in years and it was the happiest I’d been. It’s a shame it took me so long to realise but it was an experience, and I’m grateful for them. Both good and bad.
