Social media influencer Amber Ray, born Faith Makau, and her baby daddy, Kennedy Rapudo, are currently on their latest highly publicized break up, probably the fourth one? Their whirlwind romance continues to take hits from all corners but this time around, the hits were internal after it emerged Rapudo physically assaulted Amber following a night of drinks and vibes this past mid-month.
No sooner had Amber broken the news online and Kennedy apologizing and deflecting than Amber unveiled a new house…much, much smaller than the house she, Rapudo and their blended family resided in. The quickness with which she uprooted her life and bounced back to influencing online stunned many and it is from these moves that we feel there are some lessons some women can learn in the event a committed relationship turns sour.
-  Women must have a resolute mind- There is always this cliché that a woman’s no sometimes means yes and her yes sometimes means no. Moving forward, it is important for women to have a determined and unwavering mind, to say, mean and do something without being swayed by sweet words or money and so forth. This type of mind is especially needed if the environment one exists in no longer makes her happy or feel safe. Amber’s speed in leaving the duplex home should be a lesson to many women- especially those enduring domestic violence- that you must leave a dangerous situation to keep yourself and your dependents safe; and to keep your mental health intact. If you spiral out of your mind, you will not be of any purpose to yourself or any of your dependents.
- Women should have their own property despite merging lives- Some women fail to invest in themselves thinking that they will invest better when they settle down with a life partner. But I’m here to tell you that kind of thinking no longer holds any water. We’ve seen wives being abandoned and thrown out of their matrimonial homes with only the shirts on their backs and the diapers on their babies’ bums. Amber moving into a different house- with her own property- should be a lesson to women to always think ahead to disappointing scenarios even if no one goes into a marriage or relationship thinking about how it will end. Imagine if she had sold all her property to make a home with her man and when she moved out she would have had to start looking for money to furnish a new house? Keeping your property from your single days, or making private purchases for your own good down the road, will go a long way in preventing you from struggling financially if you have to start all over again.
- Have your own money so you can leave at the drop of a hat- Some women endure domestic violence or ‘dead’ relationships and marriages because they have no finances of their own. Either their pay is too little to leave the relationship or they were financial dependents of their partners. You saw the quickness with which Amber was already hustling post-pregnancy? Securing the bag? This should be a lesson to everyone. Despite calling herself a rich man’s wife, it would appear she has her own money to make independent decisions without having to toe Rapudo’s line when the mess hit the roof. We no longer live in the era where women were born and bred to be home makers, we are now in the era of corporate housewives, corporate girlfriends and corporate clandestine lovers (sadly).
- If it gets violent, leave without thinking twice, it will only get worse if no genuine reform takes place- Many people kept telling Amber that since this was the first (known) time Rapudo hit her, she should persevere and both should seek counselling and work on the relationship. While it could be solid advice, only she knows where the shoe pinches her, right? Only she knows if the violence might escalate as the relationship ages, only she knows if she and her children would be safer in their home- not outsiders. But then, remember that a leopard does not change its spots. It might tame itself for a while, might avoid eating young wild game but sooner or later, it will go back to hunting big game and doing what it knows best. So if you are living with an abuser, and you know the likelihood of violence repeating itself is very high, then leave- just as Amber did. Don’t listen to what others have to say. They won’t endure the violence with you. They will only comment, whether positively or negatively.
- Whirlwind romances where kids are involved should be tamed- In one blink, they were a couple, then they weren’t. Another blink, they are back together but break up again only to reconcile and get engaged. Then there’s trouble in paradise only to reconcile and announce a pregnancy, then break up and get together again and now break up again. Yes, every relationship undergoes its fair share of drama but something has to be done- or tamed- if there are children involved in the mix. Both parties have children from other relationships and a shared daughter. In all this drama, all their children are watching their mess play out live in color and on social media. The lesson here, I believe, is that parents going back into the dating pool should give it a while before introducing children to their new partners. This was not only a whirlwind romance but a whirlwind blended family being taken through the wringer. Date your person away from your children until you know they are for keeps. Don’t let your kids get attached to your partners only for them to see you being involved in this type of Amber/Rapudo drama. After you know a partner is good for you and would stick around for life, slowly introduce your kids to them. Don’t rush into living with them, upending the living dynamics your kids were used to. Just as you wean your babies off of breast milk to start taking puree and porridge, wean your kids to adapt to your new partner and see if they actually like them for you.
