Everyone has different criteria for finding their “potential mate.”
Many people may feel that this is an easy question to answer. The common answers usually include attractiveness, intelligence, compassion or kindness, and a sense of humor.
After years of failed relationships, I stopped going with the common answers. I decided to focus more on learning how to read people.
According to Ayodeji Awosika, learning how to read people is a “psychological superpower.”
But it is a psychological superpower that any person, such as you or myself, can learn.
I personally believe in the journey of finding your perfect relationship partner that it is vital that you learn how to read people
What to look for in a relationship partner?
By learning how to read people, I was able to go beyond just the common and generic traits that people normally look for in a relationship partner, such as attractiveness, kindness, or intelligence.
Instead, I began looking deeper.
I found that things like the person’s level of emotional intelligence were much more important to me.
Emotional Maturity
We all have our baggage. That is something that is going to come with every relationship. We cannot expect perfection from anyone.
However, how does that person handle their baggage? Or do they not handle it at all?
I find it very ideal for the person I am with to deal with their emotions in a healthy and positive way. Self-reflection is an important part of emotional maturity.
Being able to be open with how you are feeling is also an important part of emotional maturity.
I also believe emotional maturity includes being empathetic. I couldn’t imagine being with someone who cannot relate to anyone else’s struggles.
Who wants to be vulnerable to someone who cannot or will not even try to understand and feel what you are experiencing.
Communication
If you cannot communicate honestly and openly with someone, how do you expect to build a lasting relationship?
You really can’t, unless you are trying to build a completely superficial one.
A part of this is also being open to feedback.
If I wasn’t open to feedback in my current relationship… it wouldn’t have lasted this long.
I am human and I know I make mistakes. I know that I will always have things to improve. Relationships take work, but we have to also be open to putting in that work.
As far as honesty goes, people who lie less actually have better relationships.
I am not at all surprised by that.
Being able to trust someone is very important in a relationship.
As far as the commonly sought traits go, I don’t care how attractive, smart, or kind someone is… if I can’t trust them to be honest, those things don’t really matter.
Respect & Acceptance
It feels amazing to find someone who not only accepts you as you are, but also respects you.
When your partner encourages you to be yourself, it allows you to feel more secure in your relationship.
Someone who respects you will also call you out on self-destructive behavioral patterns.
I have find this to be one of the most important parts of my current relationship.
All of these things allow us to not only continue to grow in our relationship together, but also to grow as people and grow in all of our relationships.
How to decide on your next relationship partner?
Figure out the things that are important to you.
What I mean by this is that you shouldn’t just settle for a superficial list that you didn’t put any thought into.
Yes, attraction can be important. So can intelligence, kindness, and having a sense of humor.
I don’t mean to sound like I am downplaying that.
But as far as the success of a relationship goes, those things alone are not going to carry you through a healthy relationship.
It takes so much more than that.
Ask yourself these questions:
- What are exactly are you looking for in a relationship?
- Do both of you have the time to commit to a relationship right now?
- Do they fit in with whatever picture you have for your future life?
- Do you have physical chemistry together?
- Do you have emotional chemistry together?
- Would they get along with your friends and family?
- How do they treat other people?
- Do they seem happy when you are happy?
- Do they try to change you?
- Do they listen to you?
Questions like this can help.
Before you go, I also want to take the time to point out one other thing that is very important:
“The relationship with yourself sets the tone for every other relationship you have.” – Robert Holden
It took me YEARS to learn this.
If I don’t take the time to practice self-reflection and self-care, I will not have a very good relationship with myself.
If I don’t have a very good relationship with myself, I am not going to have a very good relationship with anyone else.
So, before you even begin the journey of figuring out how to find the most suitable relationship partner, make sure you don’t forget to work on your relationship with yourself.
You can read here about my journey in doing just that:
How I Lost Everything and Found Love.
You can also read the article below about building healthy boundaries, which will be very helpful when you are trying to build a relationship with yourself and build a relationship with someone else.
How to Have Healthy Boundaries in a Relationship
Above all,
DON’T SETTLE!
We all deserve to be happy.
But happiness is a choice.
It’s a choice that takes conscious effort each and every day.