When my father was upset, my mother left him alone. She wouldn’t let us kids near him. If we protested, she’d scold us. When she was upset, though, she talked. To my father, to her friends, to relatives, to us kids.
I grew up with this stereotypical male/female dichotomy.
I realize this is not true for all relationships or all people. There are men who want to talk when they are upset and women who want to be left alone. We are all unique individuals.
That being said, if you have a friend or lover who needs to be alone when he (or she) is upset, chances are you are the opposite type of person, simply because this is one area where opposites seem to attract.
Unfortunately, it’s really hard for us chatty types to not take it personally when our partner asks for space. We can see they are hurting. We want to make it better. We think there are things we can do to help and we feel aggrieved that we are not given the opportunity.
Sad to say, as much as our intentions are good — ultimately we are coming from a place of selfishness.
Why?
Because we are putting our need to comfort ahead of his (or her) need for space.
When we love someone, we need to give them what they need. Trying to give them what we need when we are in the same situation is not the same thing.
The Bible says to love others as you love yourself. That is true in spirit, but not in practical terms. Instead, you should love someone with the same depth of feeling as yourself, but in terms of your actions — love them as they would want to be loved.
When you are with a friend or loved one who tells you he (or she) is upset and they need you to go — take a step back and realize — it’s not about you. They are asking for what they need.
Listen to them.